BUGGERNATION STREET

BUGGERNATION STREET was a television soap opera produced by Granada for the ITV network. Any similarities to other television soap operas produced by Granada for the ITV network were purely deliberate.

BUGGERNATION STREET is permanently trapped in a perpetual Northern England of the mid-1970s, somewhere between 1973-76. The action never moves on from this period, and therefore the hairstyles and fashions worn by the characters remain unchanged however far the series progresses. This is a clever reflection of the actual terraced street where the characters reside, which itself hasn't changed since it was built during the late Victorian era. The fictional town in which the street is situated is called Weatherfield.

BUGGERNATION STREET is portrayed as the filthiest street in England, housing a collection of depraved individuals whose lives are governed by their own specific sexual appetites; it is also notable that the language spoken by the characters is 'realistic' in that swear words such as 'fuck' and 'cunt' are used freely and without censure.

The first residence on the street is the local public house, the Rovers Return, run by mother and son Annie and Billy Walker. Annie is a snooty widow who nevertheless craves a vibrator to enliven lonely evenings; her son Billy is a pimp who runs several brothels in Accrington, but has persuaded his girlfriend Deirdre Hunt to work on the streets of Weatherfield, a move that proves to be a profitable venture for both of them. Deirdre's mother Blanche has a crystal ball that depicts a future in which Deirdre has a prominent gunt and a neck like a turtle's scrotum whilst Blanche herself resembles the bride of Quasimodo. Blanche also has a penchant for anal sex involving Stork SB and/or Lurpak.

Two barmaids work at the Rovers Return, the widowed Betty Turpin (whose late husband Cyril used to dip his dong in her famous 'hot-pot') and Bet Lynch, a transsexual unlucky in love whose brief dalliance with local Lothario Len Fairclough ended when he told her he wasn't accustomed to seeing a pair of bollocks hanging down when he did a bird up the bum.

Next door to the Rovers is the home of Albert Tatlock, the original grumpy old man who fought in every great historical British military conflict from the Battle of Hastings onwards. He is unashamedly rude to everyone, though claims he's merely being sarcastic. He often flashes on local parks, but insists he only ever masturbates in the backyard privy. He also hosts an annual 'Friends of Albert Tatlock' meeting at the street's community centre, one at which he is usually the only person present. The self-styled intellectual of the street, Ken Barlow, also resides in Albert's house, having once been married to his niece Valerie, who died after electrocuting herself with a hairdryer (an appliance the distraught Ken often wanked into following her death). Ken is pompous and patronising, an affliction that ended his marriage to his second wife Janet after just one episode, though he still attracts the eye of unattached females in the neighbourhood and occasionally rapes underage girls.

Next door to Albert Tatlock live Ernest and Emily Bishop, professional Christians who nevertheless try to keep up with the prevailing decadence of their neighbours; Ernie is crippled with erectile dysfunction, something both a swingers' car-key party and a private striptease from Emily has so far failed to cure.

Next door to the Bishops resides Minnie Caldwell, a simple-minded elderly widow who is regularly exposed to Albert Tatlock's flashing escapades and lives in the shadow of her overbearing battleaxe of a friend, Ena Sharples, a hair-netted harridan with severe wind and a dead husband who spent the last thirty years of his life in a mental institution after wandering up and down Blackpool Pier in 1934 wearing just his long-johns and singing Gracie Fields songs. Ena has her own small flat on the opposite side of the street, but spends as much time in other people's homes and in the snug of the Rovers.

Next door to Minnie Caldwell's home is a mysterious gap in the street filled by a park bench, but next to that is the home of 'ugly reptillian bastard' Len Fairclough. Len is a builder by trade, but has numerous deviant outside interests, most prominently his passion for posing as a children's swimming instructor at Weatherfield Baths. Despite recent one-off bum-shags with Bet Lynch and Blanche Hunt, he is perennially engaged to Rita Littlewood, who runs a small shop owned by Len called the Kabin, situated a few streets away. Rita is a frequenter of Weatherfield nightclubs, where she often gives blowjobs to old friends. Her assistant in the Kabin is the prematurely middle-aged Mavis Riley, who nonetheless has expanded her own sex-life (and, in the process, quashed lesbian rumours) by getting into fisting with her on-off boyfriend, Jerry Booth. Jerry is Len's lodger and works with him at the builder's yard, a role also filled by Ray Langton, a Jack-the-lad character who hired Deirdre Hunt to be the firm's secretary, even though he regularly ribs her about her parallel career as a prostitute.

Next door to Len Fairclough resides one of his many old flames, Elsie Tanner. Brassy, buxom Elsie still has the scabs as a memento of her relationship with Len, but has recently set up home with Alan Howard. Alas, Alan was exposed as the Mystery Masturbator after leaving a trail of spunk in the back-alley and voluntarily entered a clinic to cure him of his curious habit. Teenager Lucille Hewitt lodges with Elsie, but only makes occasional appearances, presumably spending most of her time in her bedroom frigging herself off to pictures of David Cassidy.

Next door to Elsie Tanner live Stan and Hilda Ogden. Hilda is the street's resident nosy old bag, though husband Stan's attempts to photograph her for Reader's Wives and Hilda's role as the neighbourhood abortionist hardly marks her out as a moral voice in the wilderness. Stan is fat and lazy, fond of boozing with his dodgy mate Eddie Yeats and not so keen on cleaning windows for a living; Stan's recent imprisonment as Hilda's sex-slave was a result of a temporary ban from the Rovers, something that convinced him being deprived of Newton & Ridley bitter was an unnatural state of affairs.

Next door to the Ogden's is the last residence on the street, the corner shop. This is run by widow Maggie Clegg, who hands over the running of the shop to her assistant Norma every Saturday afternoon when she spanks local councillor Alf Roberts in the flat upstairs. In order to indulge, she has to turf-out Gail Potter and Tricia Hopkins, who rent the flat from Maggie (Maggie's own living quarters are downstairs). Maggie's son Gordon (who is actually the illegitimate offspring of her sister Betty Turpin) is rarely seen, spending most of his time plotting how to become Chairman of Everton FC.

And here are the twenty-eight instalments that survived being junked...
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